It Might Be Here

I mean, you didn’t have Kurt pray at the end, which I was afraid you would, but you still made it obvious that to Not Believe is a bad thing and lonely.

WHATEVER.  I’ve got to tell you.  I spent 15 years as a Christian and it’s been 6 since I “converted” away, and the moment I admitted to mother - and myself - that I was an atheist was one of the happiest, most freeing of my life.  It was like this huge weight I’d been carrying for years, the weight of “why am I not a good enough Christian?  Why do I question things?  Why am I such a terrible person?”, was suddenly gone.  I didn’t have to force myself into church, where I’d sit and daydream or sleep, every Sunday and Wednesday.  I didn’t have to feel like a terrible person because I never believed enough.  I could just be myself.

And I was happy.  It’s been wonderful, and I’ve never regretted it.

Because I don’t need some unknowable thing outside of me, something that’s more, as I think Mercedes put it.  I can just be happy in my life and my world and my friends and my family.  If that’s not enough for you, then I’m sorry your life is so devoid of meaning that you have to find it outside of yourself.